How I’m Doing

Hey, remember me? I been MIA from the blogging world lately. I think about blogging every day. I need to find time for myself and start back blogging on a regular basis. It is a great way to relieve stress. 

As I’m typing this post, I am leaned back on my new acupuncture mat. Yes, I have resorted to pain to see if it can relieve me of the Meniere’s symptoms. It’s been over a month now since my last big vertigo attack and I still feel “off” I have had several emotional breakdowns not knowing how I will get through the day. But hey, here I am. By prayers, I am making it.  

I know this will soon pass and I will go into remission for a few months, maybe even a year or so. Right now it is hard for me to go to public places for long period of time. I start getting anxiety of fear that an attack will happen at any minute and it will be embarrassing. It’s not a pretty thing.

People are always asking me if I’m ok. I say yes as I hide the truth. Everyday is a struggle. I can feel balanced and on the healing side of things one minute, and in one breath, things can change and I’m spinning out of control, in pain, confusion, and vomiting. I have absolutely went to bed at night thinking I will not wake up the next morning. And the bad thing about that is…. I’m ok with that.  

I think now, my left ear is completely deaf. This usually fluctuates and the hearing can return once the fluid releases and the Tinnitus goes away but I’m not sure this time. 

I went back to my ENT two weeks ago on one of my worst days. He said the next step is to try steroid ear injections. They will insert a thin needle trough my ear and into my inner ear and inject. He gave me a name of a doctor in Charlotte that specializes in this sort of thing.  I have yet to call and set that up. I am on the fence about it as there is no promises it will work and it would take a series of visits to see improvement. I do not have the time, energy nor money to travel an hour away for this. I mean, I can barely make it to my office three miles away. 

I may still at least call him for a consultation visit. He knows more about Meniere's disease than my regular ENT. I will wait and see how I do next week. 

I do not plan to blog much more about my condition. I need to learn to deal with it and find myself again. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and be the warrior that I am. I need to get out there and fight instead of getting anxious and scared of what might happen in public places. I have a lot of friends, family and church praying for me and that’s more than an doctor can do. God will heal me on his timing. If not, then there is a reason for this. I just need to keep the faith and enjoy life as I have it.